


R:ebirth

by taekwonmeover



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, M/M, OT6, Slow Burn, Songfic, Unrequited Love, hyukvi bromance, trigger warnings will be in chapter notes, wonsik-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6639034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekwonmeover/pseuds/taekwonmeover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[AU drabble set] Thanks to a challenge from Hyuk, Wonsik has to write 30 songs in 30 days. Seeking inspiration from his own life and the lives of others, Wonsik is on a journey to rediscover himself and his muse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> This is a WIP, some of which is already written. Most chapters will be no more than drabble length. Kind of Slice of Life?  
> For any who need to know endgame pairing before investing, shoot me a message/comment here or @taekwonmeover on tumblr.  
> Always open for kpop song prompts for later chapters!

The stakes are especially high when he actually sits down and considers what he has agreed to do.  
"One song a day for a month. Then we release it as an album as a collab with different artists; raw and real. It will be perfect." His manager, Hongbin, sounds confident, or maybe it's the suit and that handsome face that gives him that suaveness because Wonsik is very under-dressed in jeans and a shirt and feels like maybe, just maybe he is in way over his head. Damnit, Hyuk.  
"You always said you write well under pressure. I expect the first song in my inbox by tomorrow evening."  
Wonsik sighs as he is left alone in his tiny studio. It had started off as a simple idea between him and his best friend, Sanghyuk, who was fast breaking into the music scene with his crooning ballads. Over a drink late last night, they created a challenge for each other - for Sanghyuk, he had to record a new song every day, and for Wonsik, to write a new song each day.  
But then Sanghyuk made the mistake of informing Wonsik's manager - who happened to also be their mutual friend - and now it had blown up into a full release rather than an exercise to force the artists to challenge themselves.  
Within the span of a few hours of Hongbin getting news of the plan, everything was set in motion. Marketing was on the case. Wonsik's twitter was already being spammed with messages of support from his growing fanbase as soon as the announcement went out.

There are a lot of expectations riding on this as he picks up his pen and twirls it between his fingers. Wonsik likes to go old school when it comes to writing - the best things that he has ever written have always been put down on paper first, and then refined through the digital medium or out on the stage as he moves through each one of his flows. Writing songs is something that Wonsik has been doing for years, and there's always a moment before he begins that the nerves and doubts settle in. Can he do it? Will it be good? Will anyone care? Or will he just be shouting to the wind with only the faint outline of a best friend behind him to cheer him on and a dream that haunts the edge of his vision?  
Questions he always asks himself, ever since he started.

The blank pages sit there patiently. How does he begin?  
A theme, he decides. What he needs is a theme to tie all of these together. He looks around at his surroundings for inspiration. He is in a tiny room, pictures of his family and friends crowding all of the best real estate near his computer monitor and around his keyboard. A novelty clock in the shape of a tiny cartoon cat given to him by one of his personal heroes and one of his closest friends sits on a tiny shelf at eye-level for him to look at when he needs strength. The lights are dim, there are no windows, empty coffee cups and scraps of paper litter every surface, and so much hard work has gotten him even this tiny island inside the huge building that spits out brilliant artists faster than he can string two words together.  
Normally, that thought is enough to snap him out of his questioning and to get to work. Today, he feels stifled.  
Raw and real. That was what his manager had said.

How long had it been since Wonsik had gone outside of his comfort zone and actually talked about something real in his life in his lyrics? When he first started, his flow was all over the place, his rhymes were unpolished and forced but they were coming from deep within him, the bold teenager who was smothered by his own shyness.  
After his first polished song was performed by the company's biggest star, Kim Jaehwan, live at his solo concert, everyone wanted more of the same. More of the raunchy, flirty, fun lyrics with a hint of power behind them that apparently the singer's fans were in love with.  
It didn't matter so much to Wonsik since he wasn't the face of the song. At first, anyway.  
Then came the requests. Churning out song after meaningless song for Jaehwan and many of the other label artists until Wonsik was in a slump.  
That's why he'd gone out for drinks with Sanghyuk, and they'd come up with a challenge that would suit them both.

As he drops his pen back onto the blank pages, Wonsik starts to putter about the room, tidying it slowly. It really had been a long time since he'd written a song for himself. Not for anyone else, not with the pressure to sell, but just a song for the pure joy of it.

He takes another look at the room. The cat clock says it's been two hours and the room is practically spotless. So are the open pages in his notebook.

Wonsik picks up his pen and notebook and decides that he is going to get real. Time to get back to basics. 


	2. Milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wonsik plays it safe for the first song, writing about someone he's never met. He also reminisces about that time Hongbin called him an 'easy mark'. What a jerk. A stupid, sexy jerk.

Day 1. Milk

 

It's freeing, walking out in the sunshine and listening to the life of the world bubbling around him. He gets shoved on trains, squeezed into an awkwardly silent elevator, all while knowing that instead of being cooped up in his tiny studio, his manager has given him the okay to stay out and get inspired for the many songs he going to need to write.  
"As long as I get my songs by the end of the day, then I don't really care what you do. Except on the 18th. Remember that we have a very important meeting on the 18th and I expect you to dress up and look your best." Hongbin had flashed him a wide smile and then shoved him to get of the building. "I'm expecting good things from you, Wonsik! Don't let me down."

Hongbin is a great manager, but Wonsik couldn't say he was always a good friend with a long history together. The first time they met, Hongbin was wearing an expensive shirt and looked as perfectly made up as those fake food displays outside of restaurants; they both had the power to make Wonsik feel a deep hunger, even when he wasn't looking for satisfaction. Starting off as an actor, Hongbin moved from doing crap commercials for the local businesses to working alongside one of the greatest actors of their generation, Park Hyo Shin.  
After one failed marriage - "I just didn't love her enough" - Hongbin changed course and dove into the music business.  
Wonsik didn't know about much of this when they first met (and then there were too many hours the next day spent trawling wiki, imdb, and some really dedicated fansites who even had photos of him with pink hair! Pink! It was inspiring, to say the least). It was in a bar, while waiting for Sanghyuk to arrive, who said he was bringing his "real best friend; Shik you are officially replaced", that Wonsik had been tapped on the shoulder. The stranger offered him a smile Wonsik was sure made women go weak-kneed (fuck it worked on him too) and spoke with a voice deeper than the ocean, and full of as many hidden treasures.  
"Buy me a drink?"  
Wonsik had raised his eyebrows at that and laughed, shaking his head.  
"Are you serious, buddy? You want me to get you a drink?" He looked around for the hidden camera. "Who set you up to this? Was it Sanghyuk? Where is that little bastard?"  
The name Sanghyuk set off another laugh from the stranger, but with disbelief as he then introduced himself as Hongbin and conversation began to flow like they'd known each other for years. It was strange how easily comfortable Wonsik felt with Hongbin, but he found out later that it was much stranger still that Hongbin had felt - still felt - the same way.  
"THE Lee Hongbin? You're the one Sanghyuk's replacing me with as a best friend." Wonsik pretended to grumble, but found it too hard to pretend to be mad when Hongbin rested his head on Wonsik's shoulder, wine cascading from each outward breath.  
"Did he really say that? He talks about you all the time, I'm surprised I didn't recognise you."  
That caught Wonsik's attention as he turned to look at the older man, the liquid courage he'd been drinking not even enough to keep a blush from spreading over his cheeks. Even the tips of his ears were pink, and he wished he could wipe the smile off his face.  
"You didn't know it was me? So when you came over...?"  
Whatever Hongbin was having, Wonsik made a mental note to try, because he didn't look even a little embarrassed when a slow, sensual smile spread over his lips. This was a look Wonsik would see many times as they got to know each other, a look that heated the pit of his stomach with intrigue and definitely made him make a complete fool of himself.  
"I wanted to see if I could sucker you into buying me a drink. You look like an easy mark." Hongbin bared all of his teeth in a nearly predatory grin, and reached for his expensive wine while Wonsik laughed, hiding his mouth with his fist.  
"You're an asshole, you know that, right? No wonder you and Sanghyuk get along."

They got along well, too. The night they met had been one of the first times Hongbin had gone out after his wife of eight months had left him. Later, the closer he became with Wonsik, more of the story came out.  
"We were high-school sweethearts. She was with me right through all the bad, but she couldn't take it when I became famous. It...was....hard on her." Hongbin murmured into the rim of his wineglass.  
He spoke about the stalkers who hovered around his home every day, calling his phone, breaking into his hotel rooms, harassing his then-wife, the rumours of infidelity, and that the nonsense from tabloids that his wife was merely a front for Hongbin's true sexual orientation.  
"It was all bullshit. I never cheated, and my sex life is my own business, but I have never tried to hide it for anyone."  
Wonsik had raised his drink to that, and for the rest of the night they bonded over mutual hardships and lost loves.

Memories of Hongbin's sadness that night stung, but knowing that he was much happier now took the pain away.

It was a story that had played out before, somewhere in the world at some time between two people and it will play out again in some way between two more - two people who felt destined to be together, torn apart by circumstance. When Wonsik's pen hits his notepad tonight it is on a bumpy bus ride back home and the melody flows as easily as the words in his heart, his empathy for humanity. He doesn't write about Hongbin's feelings - that's a barrier that he can't cross tonight, it would be too intimate, too assuming for someone too close to him - it's about the ex-wife that Wonsik has never met but he feels for her in the song, he thinks about how she would have felt at that moment and those after they knew it was over between them. Anything to stop the pain. God knows, he's been there himself too many times already, been on the brink and barely scratched his way back. 

_"You didn’t say anything and it was over_  
I didn’t say anything either and that’s how we ended  
The moments before are still so clear..."

The song that pours out is sung by a chorus of beautiful women in his mind, perhaps they are the muses that he has been missing as he writes about healing the burn in a heart that had only known one person in her life until that point. The first thing that he thinks of to heal a burn is milk (thanks to Sanghyuk spicing his lunch when they were kids, the little demon) and he doesn't overthink it, just goes with the thought in a continued stream of consciousness, pen scratching noisily against paper. The rhythm of the song is hazy, and Wonsik sways like a mirage to the invisible calling of those voices.

_"The scars of love keep hurting, it won’t get better, it just gets worse_  
What to do, what to do, what to do without you?"

He misses his bus stop but doesn't notice, too far into the zone to recognise that he is lost to the world. He follows the call of the voices singing in his mind and he immerses himself into the character. The song is about pain, but as it progresses it is almost sensual in both lyrics and tone, it is empowering as she reaches acceptance and it is like now, without a husband in her life - the only man she'd known since blossoming into a woman - she is now also realising her power as an independent being, her own sexual potential, that the end of "them" (safety) is not the end of "her" (possibility), that the pain can be soothed to become so much better, and she is capable of so much more than she ever dreamed. He breathes life into the song, into this vision of a person he doesn't know and take that liberty without hesitation because he draws on some of his own life too, when he's known heartbreak multiple times.  
It's a story that has played out before, but Wonsik knows this one at least has a happy ending. He presses "send" to the full song to both Hongbin and Sanghyuk and has that invigorated fluttering in his chest, the euphoria of creation buzzing his body with adrenaline.

His screen flashes with a reply from Hongbin only - a thumbs-up emoticon - and Wonsik finally gets off the bus to get a taxi home, laughing giddily. He will never tell Hongbin who inspired the lyrics, particularly since it is written from the point of view of someone he has never met himself. But he has seen her face on television, magazine covers, and heard about her culinary skills at her own restaurant where she is the Head Chef.

Wonsik has no idea on a personal level what she may have used as her salve when recovering from the divorce, but he wouldn't pretend he could assume. So he keeps the title for his song simple and leaves the metaphor ambiguous for the listener.  
It's not his place to know, but before he falls asleep with window-shaking snores, he thanks the woman he has never met for being his first inspiration in a long time, and wishes for her happiness.

_"So fresh, so fine, now I’m finally cooling down"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits: Song is Milk by f(x); lyrics translation source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jgHo0oQ4c0 (which has further credits in the description)


	3. Let out the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wonsik goes for a run. Sanghyuk is a prankster. Not the best combination when starting the day. At least something comes of it in the end.

  
A very long recorded message is waiting for him when he wakes up for his morning run. Wonsik smiles when he sees who it is from and saves it until he is out in his sweats, running a well-worn path up through the nearest park. As he presses play, there is suddenly a loud, terrified scream and Wonsik leaps off the footpath, yelping. Panic settles in. His heart begins to pound as a thousand thoughts run through his head. He fumbles for the phone, ripping it from his armstrap while fear for what could have happened to his best friend is making him sweat prematurely.  
            "Ju~st kidding hyung, I'm okay!" The recording continues and Wonsik is still trembling as Sanghyuk's voice is warm with laughter. At him.  
            "You son of a bitch." Wonsik mutters under his breath. He begins to run again but his rhythm is completely off. He staggers almost as if hungover as the recording continues.  
            "Good morning to my second-favourite hyungie~ Don't be mad - you're awake now aren't you?"  
            "You're fucking right I am." Wonsik laughs to himself, shaking his head.

It is too early for pranks, but not when it comes to his best friend, clearly. Sometimes Wonsik wonders how he keeps falling for dumb antics like this one. He wishes it was the first time, but Sanghyuk has been playing mind games with him since they were kids.

The sun continues to brighten the sky and he gets on with his exercise with Sanghyuk's message as company.  
            "I read your new song, it's okay I guess. What is the milk about though? I don't get it, so she's pouring it on herself in the kitchen? Is it from some weird porn that you've been hoarding from me because if it is, we're watching it at some point -"  
            _Yeah, like that wouldn't be awkward as hell, Hyuk_ , Wonsik thinks.  
            "- but anyway it seems good. Hongbin said it wasn't about sex but I told him that he doesn't know you very well because everything you ever write is about sex that you've never had!"

He's treated to more laughter from his best friend as he reaches the first hill. The trees start to whip past as he increases his speed. The panic from earlier has given him a feral energy to run as fast as possible, breathing robbing him of more than a scoff at Sanghyuk's words.  
            "Mine's a bit late but anyway, here goes..."

Finally, Wonsik's anticipation was met with Sanghyuk's rich voice undulating through his headphones. He knew the song Hyuk was singing well: "Shadow"; a big hit in Japan last year. However, the way that it was being sang was with a completely different arrangement to the original. Wonsik found his body responding to the rhythm, the swift rises and falls of the beat matching his feet pounding against the concrete. It is a fantastic cover, and the first for Sanghyuk's fulfillment of their shared challenge. On the last note, Sanghyuk trails off and then his laughter echoes in Wonsik's ears.  
            "Good, right? Give me a call later. Hongbin says he gave you the whole month off to work, so drinks tomorrow night. No excuses." There's a slight scuffle of noise and Sanghyuk's tone changes from playful to whiny in milliseconds, voice growing muffled like he's pulled the phone away from his face. "Hyung noooo that one's mine no wait I'm talking to Shikkie-hyung wait ok ok!"

After the message is finished, Wonsik's playlist begins. He tweaked it last night before bed to be a mix of samples and dubstep to give him inspiration for lyrics. He lets his mind wander over the familiar terrain of the sounds as he begins to grow antsy from the beat.  
  
He loves music, has lived and breathed it ever since he was a boy. Trying to keep a slower pace, instead of lyrics coming to his mind, Wonsik feels the rhythm sneaking into his body and he resists the delicious surrender that beckons. Back as a teen he wouldn't have cared who was looking, so what was different to now? Why had he started thinking about how others saw him?  
He knows he must look silly out in middle of the park, headphones blaring as he hovers in place over the tempting beat rather than continue jogging. Will it look even sillier if he breaks out with some dance moves?  
Definitely yes.

  
Wonsik shakes it off and starts to run again, a frown creasing his brow. His heart isn't in it now and he turns to head back home.  
The view seems more dismal now that he has decided to be...what, exactly?  
Responsible? How was dancing irresponsible?  
Wonsik remembers the teen so eager to keep up with his talented friends that he threw himself into dance. And he learned to love it, not just because he was damn good but because it was so freeing; he was able to extend himself so far from his core being it was like becoming a completely different person.  
When Wonsik danced, it let out something different than the husky rapper he performed as, different to the shy, gentle boy inside.  
It let out the beast within.  
  
Suddenly, it comes to him.  
He fumbles with sweaty fingers for his phone for the second time this morning, but this time he presses record over the music playing and he sings out loud,  
  
         _"Ladies And Gentlemen. If you’re watching the show have your tickets in hand, don’t be flustered or busy, make a line and enter."_  
  
Wonsik gestures out to the invisible audience out in the grass in front of him and the lyrics rock back on forth in time with the slide of his shoulders.  
  
         _"When the music starts lose control, energy permeates my body. Just let coolness become your enemy, and dance until you’re faint. Rational and sober, those people have no rhythm, wake up, awaken the wild beast in your heart..."_  
  
He remembers the bruises and the aching muscles as he pumps his fist against his chest, the fire within smouldering behind his eyes that would stare back at him after long days of dance practice. The energy he puts into his work as an adult comes from a different core than the one he dances from, but it has been so long since he's danced that he's forgotten that fact.  
This is strength born from frustration.  
  
        _"Be careful I’m a kid who doesn’t listen to taming, I’m a rebellious being. The spotlight and everyone’s eyes are all gathered on me. If my performance is too dazzling it’ll make you all momentarily dumbfounded."_  
  
None of the years of practice go to waste as Wonsik throws himself into the music, making the words string along as instinctively as a predator stalks prey. There's no fancy footwork or expert tutting - instead his movements stay fluid and the lines of his body undulate in perfect slowness with the building climax of the song. His hips grind against an imaginary partner, shoulders back as his husky voice grips the lyrics with greater intensity.  
  
      _"This is an unstoppable instinct.. You Know I’m Gonna Let Out The Beast! Now is showtime! Let out the beast! Shout together with me: Let out the beast!"_  
  
The movements are still in control as he steps out, confidence growing. Memories of high school flood his mind are as fresh as the dew his sneakers kick off the grass, his sweat glistening in the heat. His heart is pumping and the words flow.  
  
_"Even your breath is trembling, don’t remember ever having this feeling before. We’re all still in control, the poison is too far in that there’s no remedy to cure it. Want to wipe off the sweat, but can’t free your hand, even the blink of an eye is too long."_  
  
Frustration keeps knocking at his chest and he hits the next four beats with more strength. That angry teenager never grew up inside him, still suffering for the recognition of his favourite hyung as he tried to figure out what he was good at in life and what he wanted to do. Wonsik loved music, it was his life, gave it meaning, gave him strength to get out of bed each day. But he was not talented at it in the same way his friends were. It took hours of effort, of stumbling and picking himself off the ground.  
His own best friend back then was growing more handsome each day, picked up dances instantly and matured with a voice that could charm an angel, while Wonsik felt he'd himself remained awkward and plain.

  
         _"I want to catch you, don’t run, don’t worry, I don’t bite. Don’t try to teach me right or wrong, I can’t let go and let you get away... When the time comes I’ll take away your heart, I’ll take away your everything."_  
  
Senior year in High School was spent watching hours of videos nearly every day (was it any wonder he didn't top his grade in academics?) of his favourite rappers and trying to emulate them. He mimicked their swagger in front of mirrors, dressed like them, felt solidarity when they mentioned having no one believe in them but not wanting to give up.  
  
         _"Now Right! Left Turn around again Now Step! Step!"_ Wonsik follows his own hoarse singing, clapping with the rhythm pulsing in his mind.  
  
Everything changed Senior year after he met Hakyeon.

Looking back, he knows now how indebted he is to a world that brought together a kid with no confidence and no future with one of the greatest soloists at Universal Ballet in Seoul.  
  
        _"_ _Leave behind your fear! Let out the Beast!_ _Grab your confidence in your hand Let out the beast!"_  
  
Sweat is trickling down his chest, forehead and legs. His clothes are sticking uncomfortably to his skin but these are all things that he notices later on once the frenzy has passed. Right now he is fluctuating between crisp movements with a sensual groove, popping his chest and flexing the strong muscles of his shoulders.  
  
        _“Clasp hands with me! Let Out The Beast! Let Out The Beast! Let Out The Beast!”_  
  
He stops singing, realising that he is posing with his arm raised and finger pointing to the clear blue sky, where surely God and his angels are watching on with amusement at his random outburst of song and wondering why he was made the way he was.  
The amusement is shared with a few early risers walking their dogs and not with the grass he’s just trampled underfoot. He finds himself laughing, reinvigorated and exhausted at the same time. Grabbing his phone, he presses ‘stop’, plays it back to check that most of the lyrics were captured by the microphone and it is scratchy but audible enough. He’ll write it down when he gets home, beginning the slow walk back. A good shower and a great song – he could even hear this being sung by a few guys he knows, and maybe Sanghyuk for at least a line because there’s one in there that will be perfect for him – and Wonsik is set for today.  
  
Almost.  
   
Before he pockets his phone, Wonsik brings up his contact list, finger hovering over the call button. The buzz from dancing is humming through his veins and he feels like right now in this exact moment he knows exactly what he should do.  
  
It’s been too long since they’ve seen each other.  
  
_Hakyeon._  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is by EXO-M: Let out the Beast. Credit for lyrics translation: https://lalaladdy.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/exo-m-let-out-the-beast-english-translation-pinyin-lyrics-and-chinese-lyrics/

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please comment or @taekwonmeover on tumblr if you have any prompts for kpop songs for later chapters!


End file.
